I am the laziest person ever. I keep coasting on my ability and only do the minimal effort to pass. That was so evident today.

I had a jury- singing Beethoven's "Adelaide". It's really wonderful. I don't know how well I was singing (experience teaches you that the singer is the worst judge of his performance) but damn, it felt good. I had it memorized, and, I hadn't needed to work on it much. So I hadn't.

There is a melodic and tempo change about 2/3 of the way through the song. I forgot that after my initial entrance, I was to wait an addition few measures while listening to the same accompaniment. I had to restart that section about 4 times, visibly frustrated every time I screwed up.

Once I glanced at the music, I realized my mistake and finished the piece without further error.

If I hadn't been such a slacker, I couldn't have possibly missed it. If I had made learning and practicing for Applied Music, I would have owned that song. If you sing or hear a piece often enough, it is virtually impossible to sing it incorrectlly- it almost becomes a part of you. I've heard the music for the Merry Widow so often, I've memorized most of the other characters songs (parallel for acting- being able to recite another character's lines, word by word).

This was really embarassing, but it served a purpose- I can't do music this way anymore. If I really want to give it a fair shot at being a career, I need to make it a part of me. The only reason why I haven't done that yet is because I haven't cared enough yet to develop some self-discipline.

Damn it. Damn me.